Salutations! Last night 5-3 disappointathon was the ultimate case of needing to sleep my rage off before writing. But since today is a day game and I'm in South Bend with my friend Josh to pump out my first live game diary, we're just going to pretend last night never happened!
During the pre-game show Bill Melton called this a must-win game. Always great to hear that in the first week of the season! Freddy Garcia is on the hill, so the fat and sweaty jokes should be flying like Freddy's hanging curveballs after Justin Morneau has hit them into Aurora! Let's begin!
Top 1st
First pitch is high and slow. Glad to have you here, Freddy.
Denard Span is the leadoff man for the Twins today. Denard hit his mother with a foul ball last week, but it's unlikely that there will be anything in the strike zone for him to hack at today.
After Span grounded out, an Orlando Hudson bouncer forced Freddy to try to jump in the air to field it....needless to say Beckham had to run in and barehand it to get the out.
Mauer walks on four pitches after Hawk reveals to us that he is 7-21 lifetime off of Garcia. Good to know that could've gone worse.
Garcia hits 90mph on a first pitch fastball strike to Morneau. I am beyond stunned. The third pitch hits 92. I am disappointed to realize that the radar gun must be broken.
Morneau fans on a straight change. Maybe Freddy can make six innings at this pace.
Bottom 1st
Juan Pierre lays down the best bunt he possibly could and was thrown out by a step, maybe this 'rebuild the lineup around speed with a 32 year old Juan Pierre' plan isn't going to work.
The game meal today for Josh and I is a 16 piece family meal from Popeyes with 8 biscuits, and sides of fries, red beans and rice, and mashed potatoes. There are some carbs present here.
Beckham strikes out after a nine pitch at-bat. At the very least Gordon comes off as someone who's consistently trying.
3-0 to Carlos, does he have the greenlight?!?!
No.
Quentin walks on a full count to bring up Konerko with two outs. Only a home run is going to score runs in this inning.
Konerko singles to push CQ to 2nd, and bring Kotsay to the plate. I stand by my statement. These are some sloooow runners.
Kotsay is hitless on the season and hitless against Scott Baker, but as Hawk adds, he's never struck out against him. Yipppeeee!
Maybe I should narrate my comments aloud to Josh, he already seems bored and has left the room. Maybe he went to get more chicken....say...that's a good idea.
Kotsay works the count full after holding back on the curve, only to register his trademark groundout to 2nd to end the inning. On the plus side, it's chicken time.
Top 2nd
A lazy fly ball by Cuddyer leads us to the first standing ovation for Jim Thome of the day. Hopefully this will prompt Jim to rip off his Twins jersey, kill Kotsay with his bat and take his place in the lineup.
Thome fans badly on a nasty change by Garcia. Is this going to be a surprisingly effective day for Freddy? A five pitch walk to Jason Kubel suggests no.
J.J. Hardy lines out to our stupid incompetent shortstop to end the inning. I'm not saying his name until last night stops hurting.
Bottom 2nd
Steve Stone and Hawk Harrelson go at length talking about how much better Alex Rios is than his 3-15 performance at the plate. If we believe it, it will come true!
Rios obliges such crazines with a double laced into left. He then is doubled off on a soft liner by Pierzynski to left. I'm not sure I can describe the incompetence of this baserunning play adequately. Rios starts off the base, looks to the outfield where he should have seen that the ball was going to be easily caught, and proceeds to start sprinting to third. Credit the Twins for not being so dumbfounded that they didn't throw.
Jerkface McShortstop grounds out to third to end the inning.
Top 3rd
Freddy's got the curveball working today, he's struck out three now after fanning Nick Punto. Hell, he's not even sweating!
Converted outfielder playing first base Mark Kotsay muffs a grounder, but Beckham swoops in and flips it to Garcia for the out. Maybe we should take out Kotsay and have Beckham play both positions.
An easy grounder to The Cuban Mistake ends the inning. Freddy is through three innnings and looks damn near sprightly. I've always thought that even if it's Spring Training and you're just "trying things out" that 40
hits in 21 innings is really awful, but maybe Freddy was just getting over a very long hangover.
Bottom 3rd
Before you know it, Mark Teahen is 0-9 on the year. I'm still taking suggestions as for what to shout at him during my next game on April 21st.
Hawk and Steve are still complaining over a strike call from the 11th inning of last night. Let it go, boys. Pierre leads off the inning with a--wait...he didn't lead off? Teahen was up earlier? Good God, that man is forgettable. Whatever, Pierre is on first.
Hawk and Stone discuss how Pierre probably won't run because Mauer is not just great at throwing out runners stealing, but is also excellent at picking off runners leading too far off of first. Joe Mauer's existence does not seem fair.
Beckham stares at a hanging curveball for strike three. I guess this is also part of the learning process. Quentin pops out almost instantaneously upon his arrival in the batter's box. This does not fill me with surprise.
Top 4th
Mauer breaks up Garcia's no-hitter with a solid single to center. Our only hope is that Mauer's massive contract bankrupts the Twins franchise.
With Mauer running, Morneau lines to God's Test of My Patience at short, who inexplicably triple clutches before making the easy throw to first to double off Mauer. At least he made the throw. I should be thankful.
Cuddyer hits another rocket foul, just as he did last night, before flying out easily to Rios. Freddy has already gone an inning over my pregame prediction for today.
Bottom 4th
Konerko flies out to....um....I don't know....I wasn't paying attention. Our offense is boring.
Kotsay does the same.
Alex Rios swings and misses on a 57-footer to end the inning
WHITE SOX BASEBALL! IT'S BLACK AND WHITE!
Top 5th
Jim Thome gets jammed and lines out to the Object of My Undying Hatred, who's playing second with the infield on the shift.
Whatever outfield alignment allowed for Jason Kubel's lazy fly ball to fall in easily between Rios and Pierre needs to be scrapped, thrown away, with the trash can it's placed in set on fire. What's the name of this alignment? I imagine it's called "Spread out as far as possible". Kubel reaches second because Juan Pierre has two strings of spaghetti coming out of his shoulders.
2005 Freddy Garcia transplanted into the future pitches out of the jam easily. Yaaaay time travel!
Bottom 5th
Denard Span unwisely tries to dive for a sinking liner off the bat of Pierzynski. It bounces past him and Pierzynski waddles into 2nd. A.J. needs to shave that beard, he looks like Mark Kotsay if he had guest-hosted Man vs. Food last night.
The Bane of Humanity grounds to 2nd base, which allows A.J. to advance to third with only one out.
Mark Teahen gets his first hit of the season with a deep double that one hops the wall. While this outburst of production is definitely encouraging, it does little to dispel my assertion that he has warning-track power. 1-0 Sox. (I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am excited)
This is a really long at-bat by Pierre. He stills works the count at this age.
After a long, long at-bat, Pierre pops out to 2nd. Beckham, inspired by this display, pops out to Morneau on the first pitch. That's the end of the rally, folks.
Top 6th
2010 Freddy strides out and walks the speedy Denard Span to open the inning. Orlando Hudson lays down a bunt to move Span to second. Teahen fields it and throws him out, Freddy feigns effort to the ball, then jogs off to buy a roast beef sandwich.
Mauer takes a fly ball to the cusp of the warning track, before Rios tracks it down. Stone comments on how Span would definitely have ran to third if Pierre had caught the ball due to his weak throwing arm. Great. That liability shouldn't hurt us in the clutch at any point this season.
Morneau is intentionally walked to bring up Cuddyer. Puzzling given that Cuddyer has been hitting massive moonshots just foul for the past two games. Thankfully, 2005 Freddy Garcia transplanted into the future steps in and throws three absolutely filthy curves to end the inning.
Bottom 6th
Steve Stone lauds Garcia for his sterling effort so far today. He goes on to comment that the thing the Sox should really do is give Freddy some run support. He's hilarious. Carlos Quentin flies out easily to center.
Konerko pops out to 2nd in a manner that leaves me wondering aloud, "What would it take to land Adrian Gonzalez?"
Kotsay has his first decently hit ball of the season land safely in Jason Kubel's glove. When our starting lineup was first announced, Josh Talley (a renowned Orioles fan) exclaimed "Wow that's an awful lineup". I stopped just short of calling him a schmuck. Apparently I will be having a large plate of crow for dinner.
Top 7th
Maybe Freddy is wearing down, his rosary chain is lazily hanging out of the top of his jersey, and he walks Thome. The Twins quickly send in a pinch-runner for Thome BECAUSE THEY ARE SMART.
During the pre-game show Bill Melton emphatically expressed the need for Freddy to keep the ball down in order to be successful. I am reminded of this as Freddy leaves a fastball up that Jason Kubel deposits in the centerfield bleachers to give the Twins a 2-1 lead. What I'm trying to say is; good analysis, Bill!
Three straight easy outs to the infielders wrap up the inning. One was a sharp grounder hit to The Gap Between Second and Third. He managed to field it competently while still looking graceless enough to remind us that we should never, ever, ever trust him ever.
Bottom 7th
Rios grounds out to short to end the inning, I'm beginning to doubt the Sox will be able to fulfill to the 3-run quota they've been sticking to the last three games.
As Pierzynski flips an easy out to center, I am beginning to pitch Josh ideas for what the Orioles would take in turn for Adam Jones or Nick Markakis. So far on the table are The White Sox Entire Farm System and The Time Machine We Use for Freddy Garcia.
The Crusher of Hope and Destroyer and Dreams flies out to center.
Top 8th
Fresh off of blowing the lead last night, lefty Randy Williams is in the game. All are enthused.
Williams was undoubtedly brought in to handle the lefties in the middle of the order. Unfortunately Orlando Hudson is right-handed and lines a leadoff single to center.
There are two moments in Mauer's at bat where it looks like the whole lefty on lefty advantage will lead to Williams retiring him, but there are four moments where it looks like Williams can't hit the plate. Runners on first and second.
Oh great. Morneau hits a fly ball deep into the left field corner where Juan Pierre (not wearing sunglasses) loses the ball and lets it bounce behind him. Somehow his noodle arm is enough to hold Hudson on third. Bases loaded with no one out.
Having completely failed in every way, Randy Williams is going to be pulled by Ozzie for...
LINEBRINK?!?!!??!?!
#$&@!
Cuddyer breaks his bat on a soft-liner to Beckham. Next up is the spot previously occupied by Thome, now filled with the light-hitting Alex Casillas who pinch ran for him earlier. Kubel is on deck though, so we're still pretty screwed.
After nearly throwing a wild pitch, Linebrink recovers to strike out Casillas on a high fastball. Kubel now strides to the plate, ready to accept the bases loaded walk that surely awaits him.
It is flashed up on the screen that Kubel is hitting .413 in his career with the bases loaded with 5 home runs in 45 at-bats. Coincidentally, I have to pee.
Linebrink coaxes Kubel into a weak grounder to end the inning unscathed. Great, now they're just going to use him more.
Bottom 8th
Apparently Gardenhire is convinced that the Sox have done enough today in the cause of reinvigorating Scott Baker's Cy Young campaign, and has brought in Jose Mijares, who promptly walks Mark Teahen to start the inning.
Reasoning that Teahen moving to second on an out is better than anything that might happen if Juan actually swings, Ozzie has Pierre put down a sacrifice bunt.
Jesse Crain has been brought in to face Gordon Beckham. Josh has dozed off, and while I would blame the Sox stagnant offense, I know in my heart that it was the Popeyes.
Crain leaves a fastball out over the plate that Beckham fouls off, prompting Hawk and Stone to bemoan the waste of an extremely hittable pitch. I've only mentioned this one occurrence, but this has been happening a lot.
Beckham and Quentin pop out in successive order. There is extremely little to like about the offensive performance so far this season.
Top 9th
Linebrink still in the game, and still effective, inducing an easy pop up from Hardy, and a groundout from Punto with very few pitches.
Alright, so Linebrink was legitimately promising in getting through two innings without a baserunner. Frankly my mind is dwelling on the non-existent offense, and the fact that Josh wants me to help him get a wreath off his roof after this and I'm terrified of heights.
Bottom 9th
Konerko, Kotsay, Rios are due up to face former Sox Jon Rauch, the Twins de-facto closer. Stone comments that this was Linebrink's best performance in a 'loooong time'. Josh cackles with delight.
Rauch goes 2-0 on Konerko, only to even things up. Konerko lines strike two very hard into foul territory before popping up to 2nd rather pitifully for the first out.
Mark Kotsay, comes up in the 9th looking for his first hit of the season. At least he's not DH-ing today.
Kotsay hits another grounder, except it's up the middle, giving him his first hit. 43-year old is brought in to pinch run. This is endlessly flummoxing. Vizquel?!!?! 43 years old?!?! Is no one willing to nudge Jayson Nix awake in the dugout?!!? I'd pick Andruw Jones to run over Vizquel! This is....what the hell. Jesus. No words.
Rios gives one a ride to the warning track that gets Hawk's blood pressure up, but never threatens to see the seats. Pierzynski ends the game with a lifeless roller to 2nd. Twins win 2-1.
Immediately after the game, I am visually assaulted by Chuck Garfien's hair.
So what did we take away? One, that it's easier to riff aloud during a game, then frantically keep typing pithy comments. Two, that Freddy Garcia is going to have some decent starts this season after all if he keeps his curveball as tight as it was today, and especially if he can hit 90 or above consistently. Three, Linebrink may not the worst pitcher alive. Four, the offense is being shut down by marginal pitchers, and repeatedly fouling off or popping up exceedingly hittable pitches. It would seem like this can't really continue all year long, but this is also a team not exactly loaded with hitting talent. If they do not execute, not just at the plate but on the basepaths and on defense, then they could easily lose 90 plus.
I guess I've never paid attention to Garfien before, but he's just horrible. Unfunny, obnoxious, laughs at his own jokes, and has hair like a doll that got left in the washing machine for a couple cycles in a row. Only in Chicago....well...probably not.
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